• Pulling a problem out of a hat

    I know, you probably hear this all the time, but please bear with me in my time of need. I’ve got less than 800MBs left on the hard drive in my server. My poor revision B iMac has survived several whims to replace it with my old iBook, but it’s time may have finally come. The only thing saving it now is the knowledge that Cheryl is sure to put on a full court press for a purge if another computer goes on the inactive list. Doesn’t the little guy deserve a little more respect? Doesn’t more than six years of faithful service mean anything?

    Although the prep work is going slow, the iBook server project could be online as soon as Thursday night. And here’s something that’s sure to get those parotid, sublingual, and submandibular glands pumping: I’m working on updating the blog software. (Never underestimate the power of a high school anatomy class.) Yes kids, you heard me right. I’m switching out the server AND upgrading the software all in one shot. I’ll give you a minute to go find your socks.

    Did you know that it has been more than 482 days, 2 hours, and 24 minutes since I first served up this site from my home? I didn’t either.

  • Stray spray

    Our neighbors are trying to make us look bad. They did the unthinkable, they planted sod. Making matters worse, they installed a sprinkler system. Even worse yet, their sprinklers water a sizable chunk of our yard too.

    BASTARDS!

    Just as I was starting to relish the coming of the annual November die-off, our neighbors go and put the side of our “lawn” on life support.

    I was discussing my dilemma with my sister the other day, when she grumbled about how much work a lawn is turning out to be. Yes, she lives in one of those “deed restricted communities” where conformity and organized hazing have combined to form a unique blend of “love thy neighbor.” It all leads me to wonder why so few of us embrace Zeroscaping, the Darwinian approach to landscaping. Now how am I going to Zeroscape if my neighbor keeps everything alive? (1)

    Say I seed my lawn with a few industrial sized bags of salt, and my yard just happens to have a grade where water tends to run off of my yard and into my neighbor’s yard. Would that constitute vandalism? (2) What’s a few hundred pounds of salt between neighbors? (3)

    Answers:
    (1) There’s always the rest of the yard.
    (2) Probably.
    (3) A lawsuit.

  • Fit to be tied

    The following entry was rated R – Restricted, due to adult language. It has since been edited.

    What would you do if someone insulted your spouse? What would you do if someone openly called him or her hurtful names? Could you simply shrug them off? Could you simply stand by and do nothing?

    What if someone insulted your spouse anonymously, but in a public forum? What if you could respond in kind? Would you call them out? Would you vent your anger by calling them the most insulting names you could think of?

    What if you decided to respond, but elected to attempt the high road – and it failed your subjective “enough” test?

    (Once upon a time there was another paragraph here. It has since been removed in the name of decency.)

    Nope. That didn’t help much either. So much for trying the lowest common denominator approach.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

    Excuse me, the baby seems to have woken up.