Imagine a Friday afternoon. A young man is leaving his place of work on the last day of the work week. He is in a bit of a rush to get home because he is leaving an hour later than he would have liked. If he were honest, he would admit that he really wanted to put an end to the work day about eleven hours earlier – before the day really began. Anyway, he climbed onto the narrow saddle of his bicycle and peddled through the parking lot towards home. He had just crossed the highway out front (after waiting about five minutes for the traffic light) when he felt the need to “use the facilities.” As I said before, he was already leaving an hour late so he did not relish the thought of backtracking to the office to make use of it’s facilities. He therefore decided to make a go of holding it until he got home.

Herein lies his mistake.

Less than a mile into his ride the pressure began to become uncomfortable. Still, he pushed forward. Three miles into the ride he began to feel painful spasms. Five miles into the ride he felt every pedal stroke. Each time a foot would reach the top of the stroke his knee put a little pressure on his abdomen. Every pump at the pedals felt like a pump on his bladder. At seven miles he began to really regret his decision. The ride became a race with his bladder. There were no businesses on his route that had public restrooms. Living in a county that practically invented the term “urban sprawl”, there were no trees to hide behind and bleed off a little pressure. There were plenty of little landscaping trees, but he felt it might not be a good idea to take a leak in someone’s front yard. Undoubtedly there is a law written somewhere that addresses that kind of thing, and it would be really inconvenient if he were forbidden by law to live within 1000 feet of a school or daycare center. At eight miles he began to seriously think about knocking on someone’s door. At nine miles he wondered if anyone would accept a trade for the use of their bathroom, but he didn’t have any money on him. He would have offered them a kidney at this point, but he figured it would be of no use to anyone by now. Half a mile from his home, the only thing that kept him from relieving himself right where he sat was having to explain the smell to his wife when he got home, and the thought of having to clean up his bike afterwards. Finally he did make it home. He was extremely tired from the effort, but he did make it… barely.

The lesson in this is obvious. Always go with the leather or vinyl bicycle saddle… never go with the more absorbent cloth. Cloth = cramping, leather = choices.

It’s strange. Many times I’ve told others, and others have told me, that you should listen to your body. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re craving a certain kind of food, go find it. If you’re tired, sleep. Last night, and again this morning, I was extremely tired. You may have read the entry I made. It’s amazing how bad things can seem when you’re tired. There was only one thing motivating me to ride my bike to work this morning: good old fashioned guilt. It had been two weeks since I last rode to work, meaning it had been two weeks since I last exercised. Sure, I had excuses – what red bloated American doesn’t have an excuse not to exercise? Thoughts of my last blood test, combined with a strong desire to see some portion of my progeny’s adulthood, finally got me up early and back in the saddle again. My body definitely was not telling me to go on a bike ride at five-thirty this morning. My mind was a little too muddled to fully understand, but my body sounded like it was saying “annual leave.” And yet I find myself sitting at work, some three hours later, surprisingly invigorated. The sweet smell of a small white flower (it grows on a vine like plant, but I have no idea what it’s called) filled the air. I didn’t seem to be allergic to it, so the pleasant smell combined with the cool air and the spectacular sunrise made for a wonderful way to start the day.

I’ve written before about my affinity for my bike, and what riding it does for my manner. And yet I’m still surprised by my improved mood after an early morning ride in to work. I guess I’m not that bright after all, that or I shouldn’t always listen to my body.