A while back, my wife went to a candle party. For the uninitiated, a candle party is a gathering where middle-aged wives get together to buy candles from a traveling salesperson, picture a Tupperware party with a lot of open flames. Anyhoo, Cheryl was surprised to see Beth’s first grade teacher present. Cheryl was further surprised to learn that Beth’s teacher, two years removed…
There is a cynical side to sports that would be wide enough to orbit a small moon through. It is this ugly side which has a ready answer to a professional athlete’s sudden meteoric rise in production, “It’s a contract year.” The meaning behind this phrase is simple – the player is auditioning for his next contract, because the current one will be over sooner than you…
It’s like the 70’s all over again. Despite the rising cost of gasoline, the cash cow of the automobile industry is BIG. That’s right, BIG is in; and nowhere is that more apparent than the new Ford F-150, a giant phallus on wheels. The enormous size of the new model didn’t hit me until I saw it next to the old one in traffic. You’d swear the old model just got back…
I offer this information freely, as a public service to all of you Starbucks patrons out there. You know those dark chocolate covered espresso beans they sell? Well, them beans ain’t decaffeinated my friend. Picture my surprise when I find myself, post Pringles moment (or is that Ruffles that you can’t eat just one?), and half a box later, flying like a strung out kite. That’ll…
It will have been said, ad nausem, at this point, but we like kicking ’em when they’re down up here in the cheap seats. We would just like to say that no matter how much practical experience a candidate for the supreme court has, calling a man who can’t pronounce half the words in a pocket dictionary (even with the phonetic spelling) a brilliant man, nay, “the most…
There’s a good reason why my fingers have not been fleet this week: I was abducted by a rogue branch of the R.N.C. and forced to watch a loop of W’s stump speeches from his ’94 gubernatorial campaign in Texas.
Well no, not really; but I was pretty busy. Anyone who relies on federal money for their livelihood knows that September marks the end of the federal reporting year. Hoo…
I’ve used this space to cover all sorts of behaviors I deem inappropriate for the throne room. Most recently I’ve voiced my disappointment with my lavatory cohorts over their cell phone use in the adjacent stall.
Today the phone rang next door… then stopped. There was a 30 second pause, followed by a strange sound. If a mouse could play the drums, and that drum playing mouse was…