It was a relationship that survived the milestones of young adult life. We got together in the fall of 1989, my first semester at the University of Florida. We shared countless drives across the state, traveling home from UF and back again. We were together through graduation from UF, a move to a new city and the first real job, and a marriage. We rode in the car together when my first child came…
Alternate title: the shopping curmudgeon strikes back.
Vision statement: we hold these truths to be self evident, that retail, in general, sucks.
Hypothesis: the lowest form of humanity in the “new releases” section of the evolutionary ladder is Homo Sapiens Salesman.
The evidence: a phenomenon we call “Acute Idiopathic Phantom Price Shift”, or “AIPPS” (pronounced “apes”).
AIPPS…
Beth is a tough nut to crack, but she’s even harder to read. The lead into the new school year had all the emotion of a new pair of socks. (What do I have against socks? Why am I picking on socks in general? As a child, I was permanently scarred by the cruel and unusual gift of socks on Christmas morning.) It was so unlike my experience. I remember the first day of elementary school with all the…
When my mood is getting in the way of productivity, I owe it to my employer to engage in a little root cause analysis; and by golly I think I’ve got it! Set your way back machine to yesterday night, around eleven p.m. I had just given myself a serious case of the giggles, recalling my exploits in church earlier that day. I was committing it all to the internet ether, so that others may take…
Do you ever have those days when your fuse is short, your patience is thinner than a sheet of tracing paper, the world is conspiring against you, and your fingers are numb from taking it all out on your keyboard? Have you ever arrived at this point without knowing why you need catharsis more than Pat Robertson stuck at a gay pride rally?
Deep, cleansing breath,
Yo, word.
(If pressed, the author…
This morning someone approached me and asked if Cheryl was hanging in there. I laughed. Why? I was immediately struck by the very real image of an ever more spacious womb. So I said the first thing that came to mind. “She’s hanging, but it isn’t in.”
O.K., so it wasn’t the perfect thing to say in the coffee line at church. I got the heretofore expected blank stare, so I explained myself…
Two bagels with margarine, a glass of fruit punch flavored Gatorade, a Twix candy bar, and a Walgreen’s caffeine supplement? You call that breakfast? I’m not completely helpless down here you know. You’re going to start getting this breakfast thing right or there’s going to be hell to pay. What, you need some convincing? Don’t make me come back up there. You keep shoveling that crap down…
Picture a large room with a heavy duty anchor in middle of the ceiling, a five foot long net hanging from this single anchor, and a new piece of furniture off to one side. How long do you suppose it would take a seven year old child to figure out this new piece of furniture would make a good launching point for a wicked cool Tarzan swing?
If you were the mother of this child, would you be angry if…
Wouldn’t the world be a happier place if everyone could listen to music, good music, where ever we went? Just think, no one would be left at the mercy of waiting room muzak again. Personally, I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about the veneer of calm that elevator muzak represents. “Why do I need to be calm? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? IS THAT THE CABLE BREAKING?!?” Stand with me and…
These figures come to you courtesy of the Associated Press (7/20/2004),
– 890 American military personnel have died in Iraq since March 2003, when military operations began.
– 752 American military personnel have died in Iraq since “combat operations” ended on May 1, 2003.
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I hear that the current administration is now interested in pursuing a possible al-Qaeda / Iran / 9-11…