• A little too cheap to find some relief

    Inertia is a term most often associated with physics, but it can also apply to the sweet science of psychology. What I’m not sure of right now is if something can have varying degrees of inertia, or if inertia is just a universal property. For example, if “John” is just a name for the gestalt that makes me “John,” then I can’t be any more or less “John,” I’m just “John.” However, if “John” describes the amount of physical space that I occupy, then I can be more or less “John” (and judging by my weight I’m more and more “John” every day). Maybe the term I really want is “momentum.” Either way, inertia / momentum, my wardrobe has a lot of it.

    Two days ago my wife was telling me a story. It was another fascinating tale of two members of the XX club on a shopping trip. My wife’s partner on this trip wanted to get her significant other a pair of pants. She wasn’t positive about the size, but she thought it was a “36” (referring to the waist size in inches). My wife was not buying it. “John wears a 34, and there’s no way (censored) is bigger ’round the equator than John.”

    My poor, poor Cheryl; if only she knew. How would she react if she knew the truth… that the waistline of my pants is an engineering marvel, rivaling the Golden Gate Bridge and the Hoover Dam? It is amazing what lengths I will go to avoid clothes shopping. So if Cheryl’s shopping partner is out there, 36 could be the right size (or 38, 40, 42 – let me just finish that last bite of Baby Ruth and I’ll get back to you).

  • Finding your groove

    It is nearing the end of the work day and a coworker has one last question before they walk out the door. You are seated at your desk trying to think of something profound, but your enthusiasm for life crests and you get a little jiggy. (There’s music in the background, and it is almost quitting time.) Your coworker gives you a look which is a confused mix of pity and amusement; like you’re some poor, starving refugee from Saturday Night Fever.

    Fortunately, both of us survived the incident.

  • The ugly, the bad, and the good

    Last night was ugly. The baby was crying, my daughter wasn’t listening, and the adults were behaving like children.

    This morning it was bad. Once again the baby was crying and my daughter was running late.

    Then just as I was about to leave for work, my daughter ran up to me and gave me the most heart melting farewell. My son was peacefully eating, but paused to give me a big goofy grin as our eyes made contact. With the morning’s events finally slowing down, my wife caught her second wind.

    I’ve just got to find something nice to do for my wife. She really deserves it.