• Colors.

    Have you heard that the color of your phlegm has absolutely nothing to do with what type of infection you have (viral versus bacterial)? MInd you, I don’t really know if this is true. I just heard it somewhere.

    Did you know that if you cough hard enough you can collapse a lung? Yeah, now I’m just making stuff up.

    Have you ever coughed long and hard enough to give yourself one mother of a headache?

    Have you ever taken a good look at your phlegm?

    Do foods with artificial colors contaminate the specimen?

    Do you prefer the word “phlegm” or “ejecta”?

    Since we’re making this multiple choice, do you prefer “none of the above”?

    Did you know that the easiest way to get an elementary school age child to laugh is to work in a reference to phlegm or one of it’s close relatives? (I’ve found that the nasal variety is the most reliable.)

    Excuse me while I fetch my over the counter pain reliever.

  • Problems, real and imagined.

    Thousands of people died from pneumonia in the U.S. last year. No one in the U.S. died from eating a “mad cow steak”. A whole freaking mess of people died from pneumonia world wide last year. Less than 200, world wide, died from eating a “mad cow steak”. “Mad Cow” could become a really big problem if left unchecked. Being infected by a “mad cow steak” is a frightening prospect, but is incredibly unlikely. Based on last years statistics, you are infinitely more likely to die of pneumonia than from eating “mad cow” tainted beef. (Any whole number divided by zero equals infinity.)

    Which do you supposed folks are more afraid of right now?

    Of course, this trend could be over with just one story from your local news channel… “TONIGHT AT ELEVEN, FIND OUT ABOUT THE KILLER DISEASE THAT IS HIDING RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE – A CHANNEL ELEVEN INVESTIGATIVE REPORT THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY CAN NOT AFFORD TO MISS!”

    The freedom loving people of this nation just love their local news. Is there someone I can blame for that?

    By the way, red meat gave me a little pause the other night too.

  • Christmas past.

    Today I had a great Christmas. We had a bunch of folks over to celebrate with us, and it was cool. We don’t often have a bunch of people over to the house, so today was quite the event. I was never popular in school, I was never popular at work, and I am not popular in the neighborhood; so having a bunch of people in my house gives me the opportunity to pretend that I am. It didn’t hurt that it seemed people actually didn’t mind so much being here. I just hope that I didn’t make a jack-ass out of myself. We folks with a shortage of self esteem get a little nervous putting ourselves on display – and I did. Ah well, if nothing else I did a fabulous job of entertaining myself, because I had a great time.

    I sent a Christmas greeting to most of my friends and family, but suddenly I feel like that is not enough. So where ever you are, what ever you may be doing, regardless of whether you are paying attention (and most of you are not, but that’s o.k. – I wouldn’t either)… I hope you enjoyed your Christmas as much as I did.