This morning I have been a husband possessed. I’ve been running around doing housework like someone with another X chromosome. (OOH is that going to fetch me a slap!) So for the first time in the brief history of the Kauffman household, version 2.2 (I don’t ever get tired of that one), I beat my bride to the drier alarm. Before Cheryl could even sigh, I was in the laundry room shoveling more…
Lying is bad. It is deceitful, it can catch up with you, and it is just plain not nice. Having said that, there is a certain amount of pleasure in fibbing for sport. There is a little game we engage in at the office. Someone uncorks a whopper and someone else is supposed to call them on it. The sport is in trying to come up with the most outrageous lie without being called on it.
“No, I could…
I think the biggest scam going in the tech world isn’t the Nigerian email con – it’s ink jet printers. You can buy a new printer for about the cost to replace the ink. No, I’m not kidding. To replace the two cartridges in my Epson printer will cost me $48.00. The price of a low end HP color printer is $49.99. Apples and oranges, you say? True, the HP replacements would be less. They would…
Riding home from work, stiff wind at my back, I was flying. Everything was in harmony as the pedals spun in a high gear, yet no air was flowing past my ears. Traveling at twice the normal rate while pacing the wind almost defies explanation. The absence of wind noise draped the world in silence. Having to stop for a traffic signal seemed so wrong.
I get home and see the forecast for tomorrow…
“Mommy, I want Cory to sleep over again sometime.”
“Well Beth, I’m not sure Cory likes sleeping over here.”
“Why mommy?”
“I think he may miss his mommy and daddy too much.”
“Why? When I sleep over at Memmay and Peppey’s house I don’t miss you guys.”
“John, I could use some help right now.”
“Yeah, I just wanted to write something down really quick.”
Another example…
The last remaining vestiges of the great family room flood are gone. Forty or so square feet of carpet and padding is gone. In it’s place rests brand new, self adhesive, square, fake ceramic, laminate tile. Yes, it is everything it sounds like and more. No, there is no danger of my becoming the spokesperson for Armstrong laminate tile.
In a move that was designed solely to shock my wife, I…
The other night Beth was coming out of the bathroom with her towel wrapped tightly around her chest. This new found modesty was a little refreshing, so of course we had to say something about it. Beth’s reply was a little odd: “I don’t want anyone to see my nickels.”
“NICKELS? What are you doing with nickels under your towel?” I replied.
“What, doesn’t everyone have nickels?”…