(Spare bathroom, Kauffman Household v2.3) Your tour guide through the psyche of a middle-class everyman, and the undisputed master of his domain, was studying his profile in the bathroom mirror this evening when he made an astounding discovery. Weight gain can change the shape of the human head; and with this change in shape, the eyes can be made to look closer together.
U.S. Airways is offering…
There is a fog of contentment when your child is born. Those first days in the hospital are exhausting, yet exhilarating.
And then the baby comes home.
By the end of the first week you are still exhausted, but by now the exhilaration has worn off, leaving just the exhaustion. Midnight feedings and three a.m. diaper changes become the rule. Six hours of sleep becomes a really good night. Caffeine…
I was listening to NPR on my way home yesterday and I heard the most interesting observation. It was a listener’s comment on a previous story about cell phones, and their impact on society. The listener was a blind man, and he commented that the use of cell phones in public has lead to some confused blind folks. Prior to cell phones, a blind person could safely assume someone was talking to…
You can always tell how cheap someone is by how well they take to spending money. Moments ago I was compelled to pony up $200, and found myself in the throws of apoplexy.
Yes, it went that well.
In order for you to fully appreciate this tale of woe, you have to go back to the summer of 1998. It was hotter than Hades outside and we were just finishing moving into our new house. That was the first…
Did you hear the one about the Judge who embroidered the Ten Commandments to his robe? He said, “The Ten Commandments can help a judge know the difference between right and wrong.” Personally, I think they ought to wear shinny silk robes with their names embroidered on the back. Then, when they enter the courtroom the bailiff could introduce them in style, “He’s been…
Inertia is a term most often associated with physics, but it can also apply to the sweet science of psychology. What I’m not sure of right now is if something can have varying degrees of inertia, or if inertia is just a universal property. For example, if “John” is just a name for the gestalt that makes me “John,” then I can’t be any more or less…
It is nearing the end of the work day and a coworker has one last question before they walk out the door. You are seated at your desk trying to think of something profound, but your enthusiasm for life crests and you get a little jiggy. (There’s music in the background, and it is almost quitting time.) Your coworker gives you a look which is a confused mix of pity and amusement; like…
Last night was ugly. The baby was crying, my daughter wasn’t listening, and the adults were behaving like children.
This morning it was bad. Once again the baby was crying and my daughter was running late.
Then just as I was about to leave for work, my daughter ran up to me and gave me the most heart melting farewell. My son was peacefully eating, but paused to give me a big goofy grin as…
Despite evidence to the contrary, I think I’m capable of as much holiday spirit as the next guy. However, I must confess that I’m no longer impressed by holiday noise makers. Dancing Coke cans and singing Christmas trees were cute for about three minutes. Small devices that “beep” out various tunes stopped being cute in 1986. Articles of clothing with built-in noisemakers…
You may not know this, but my wife and I are a pretty damn good team. What makes us a good team? The answer is simple: I do pretty much whatever she asks me to. What makes this arrangement work? My wife knows what not to ask me.
She learned pretty early on not to ask me clean the bathrooms. Using my past performance and the rest of my family as a guide, it’s clear that Cheryl and I simply…