You may not know this, but my wife and I are a pretty damn good team. What makes us a good team? The answer is simple: I do pretty much whatever she asks me to. What makes this arrangement work? My wife knows what not to ask me.
She learned pretty early on not to ask me clean the bathrooms. Using my past performance and the rest of my family as a guide, it’s clear that Cheryl and I simply…
On the second day of our week’s end, we carefully crafted a day with a special event as its centerpiece. An area mall was to have snow, and we planned to travel twenty miles to see it.
In the grand tradition of Saint Walt (the patron saint of tourism based economies) we Floridians manufacture what Mother Nature does not provide. As is often the case in December, the elements have denied us…
Dim light from a child’s nightlight washes the room in an orange glow. You stand still; your gaze fixed on a small, stuffed Snoopy. Your infant son is in your arms; his head turned sideways, breathing restfully into your shoulder. The crown of his head rests in the cranny between your lip and nose, his sparse hair provoking the slightest tickle. You smell the scent common to everyone of his…
My wife and children were fast asleep. I was enjoying a rare moment of peace when I heard a loud squeaking noise. It sounded suspiciously like a non-traditional entrance to our home being jimmied open. If I hadn’t just gone to the bathroom, I fear I may have left a damp spot on our new couch. However, since the tank was dry (so to speak), I quickly got a hold of myself and went off to…
Today was our Thanksgiving dinner. We spent the nationally recognized holiday walking around a central Florida theme park. In case you were wondering, theme park BBQ ribs are not a good substitute for a classically prepared turkey. After one bite caught me a bit off guard, I looked around the table to see if anyone else would be keeping me company in the ER later that night. (Luckily, the taste of…
Having a wife with a longer memory, greater follow-through, and a stronger will, puts a husband at a severe disadvantage.
Consider the issue of outward appearance. My philosophy on hair care can best be described as Laissez-faire. This approach just happens to be in direct conflict to Cheryl’s approach. Then there’s the issue of pride. I have very little and Cheryl has a more generous…
The following entry was rated R – Restricted, due to adult language. It has since been edited.
What would you do if someone insulted your spouse? What would you do if someone openly called him or her hurtful names? Could you simply shrug them off? Could you simply stand by and do nothing?
What if someone insulted your spouse anonymously, but in a public forum? What if you could respond in…
There are times when my son makes the most unusual noises.
When they say that all children are different, I would assume they all at least sound like mammals. You see, there is a time of night when Adam wakes from his newborn slumber. He’s not upset, well not exactly. He sounds like he’s trying to pull a grunt out of his arsenal of noises, but what comes out of his mouth instead sounds…
Do I have faults? Do I do and say stupid things? Does a newborn baby cry in the middle of the night? Do I have funny looking toes?
As Beth and her peer group might say, “Duh?”
One of the most rewarding means of compensating for our faults is pointing them out in others. In that vein, let me tell you about Cheryl, and the great egg debate. As it turns out, Cheryl fancies herself the…
In the south…
I have it on good authority that if John Kerry is elected president, kids will have to go to school on Saturdays and Sundays, and they will only have brussel sprouts and cabbage for lunch in the cafeteria.
George Bush, on the other hand, has the courage to take on the liberal school boards. He has the backbone to take on the vegan lobby. He has the strength of character to stay…