When was the last time you came home to find your sock drawer rearranged? This is the horror of a nesting mother.
“Cheryl, why does my sock drawer look different?”
“Because I was sick of seeing you walk around in socks with holes in them when you’ve got packages of unopened socks in your closet.”
I was really tired from a long day at the office, followed by the death…
On the first day of second grade my daughter said to me: “I liked my teacher, but she asked me to stop raising my hand so much.” Now my curiosity was piqued. “What were you saying to your teacher when you raised your hand Beth?” “Well, one time I told her I liked her shoes.” It was like the fog cleared from the shore and I could see for miles. The image of Beth…
“John, did you clean off the stove when you cleaned up after dinner?”
(John is currently responsible for lots of domestic duties, not just because his wife is incapacitated with child, but because he is a swell guy.)
“No.”
“Why not. You know that this is part of the agreed upon dinner clean-up procedure.”
“Well Cheryl, I’m an imperfect man living in…
I’m looking out the window that someone at my salary level has no right having. I’m looking at the sun peaking out from between the clouds, and it’s like being smacked in the face with a metaphor. This morning, unlike the mornings of the last three weeks, was a ’50s sitcom morning. The only missing image was me in a suit and tie. The only mismatched image was Cheryl’s…
Beth is a tough nut to crack, but she’s even harder to read. The lead into the new school year had all the emotion of a new pair of socks. (What do I have against socks? Why am I picking on socks in general? As a child, I was permanently scarred by the cruel and unusual gift of socks on Christmas morning.) It was so unlike my experience. I remember the first day of elementary school with all…
This morning someone approached me and asked if Cheryl was hanging in there. I laughed. Why? I was immediately struck by the very real image of an ever more spacious womb. So I said the first thing that came to mind. “She’s hanging, but it isn’t in.”
O.K., so it wasn’t the perfect thing to say in the coffee line at church. I got the heretofore expected blank stare, so…
Picture a large room with a heavy duty anchor in middle of the ceiling, a five foot long net hanging from this single anchor, and a new piece of furniture off to one side. How long do you suppose it would take a seven year old child to figure out this new piece of furniture would make a good launching point for a wicked cool Tarzan swing?
If you were the mother of this child, would you be angry if…
Yesterday morning my wife asked me to do some laundry.
“Cheryl? The sum total of whites in the hamper equals six. That’s four socks and two shirts. Are you sure you want that done?”
To make a long response short, she answered in the affirmative. Sometime later, she asked if I had made any progress with the laundry.
“Cheryl, there were only six things to wash. I think I can…
It started in the most unlikely of places; a peanut butter on wheat bread sandwich. All right, I’ll admit that wheat bread is a little suspect on it’s own (I’ll take my flour bleached and enriched, thank you very much!), but desperate times lead to hasty choices on the bread isle. In short (and with no further explanation), all I had was wheat bread to satisfy my hankering for a…