You and your wife are sharing a moment of matrimonial intimacy in the bathroom. This is not the honeymoon kind of intimacy that people fantasize about. No, this is the mundane, day to day intimacy that is found in the real world. Your wife is in front of you, bent over the sink, brushing her teeth. Her face is visible only because of the mirror. It strikes you that this is what it really means to…
Camera number one shows the layout of the scene. It’s a retirement party. Everyone is saying goodbye to a Department of Corrections cohort. We are outdoors, in someone’s front yard. I am between conversations, observing the crowd from a lawn chair in the middle of the yard. Beth is walking around aimlessly, but not being disruptive. She is the only child at the party. Cameral number…
Have I mentioned that I am not an outgoing person? In a room with other people, silence is not my friend. Any silence tends to be awkward silence. With my family, words come out of my mouth with nary a second thought, or any prior thought for that matter. With others, words come rarely if at all. When they do they are not something to be proud of. My intelligence quotient takes a 30 point drop…
Have I mentioned that Cheryl is not a patient person? I pity anyone in her path when her patience is overtaxed. On morning two of our Spring Disney Fling, Cheryl planned to leave early for the park, sans significant other, with offspring in tow. She was going with a friend and her child. They all left around 7:30 to fetch a resort bus to the park thinking they had plenty of time. About a half an…
I was sitting in the bathroom at work when my cell phone began to vibrate. I don’t know about you, but I’m not keen on bringing extra attention to myself when I’m sitting on the public throne. I’m loathe to do something like actually answering the phone, particularly if someone is sitting in the adjacent stall. There’s something a little to vulnerable about phone…
It is the middle of the afternoon and I am taking advantage of my fifteen minute, after lunch break. This is a rare occurrence. I’m taking advantage of this time granted to me by my employer to think about what I want to do tonight. This is not normally a concern on a Wednesday afternoon, but then this is not my ordinary Wednesday afternoon. Today has some extra significance. No, I’m…
You might have heard that we were having trouble with Cheryl’s lemon Saturn.
When Cheryl’s car goes caput, I go to my parent’s house for a loaner. This last time the loaner was none other than THE MR-2. A little two door, mid-engine, sports car made by Toyota. My dad has a fun little manual five speed.
The next morning I realized an opportunity for some daughter-father bonding…
Stop me if you have heard this story before…
A little kid goes potty and has a little too much fun with the toilet paper. Three towels, two liberal applications of disinfectant, one roll of paper products, and at least half a dozen months of life expectancy later … the bathroom floor was dry again.
Every child must learn what volume of solids a toilet can handle on their own.