Kitchen Sink

Now showing

If your office temperature up to this point was perfect, and you were given the choice between an unobstructed view of Tampa Bay AND a ten degree change in temperature, OR the same temperature and a view of the woods; what would you choose? I didn’t get a choice. The trees came down under the cloak of a weekend, and I’m looking at Tampa Bay, boiling in my own juices. Sure, I could…
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Kitchen Sink

This week on 20/20

I’m up late with the baby again. That’s really the only reason I’ve got Monday Night Football on. Anyway, I was sitting here enjoying a late night sloth session with the boob tube when a commercial caught me unawares. It seems that 20/20 has an exclusive beat on top tier celebrities that command extravagant appearance fees to appear at charity events. Now that’s a scoop.
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Kitchen Sink

More words to live by

When you’re not feeling your best, do you crave a pick-me-up that you can sink your teeth into? Do you look for something that can raise your blood sugar as much as your spirits? Is frosted something more than a colorful way to describe your mood? If you are with me so far then you can appreciate the soothing value of a frosted brown sugar and cinnamon Pop-tart toaster pastry. My only beef…
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Kitchen Sink

Give me one good reason why

Today, more than ever, we rely on technology to sit atop the food chain, masters of our domain. We use computers to manage huge amounts of information. We use complex machinery to automate factories and mass produce everything from disposable plastic spoons, to the computers that manage the machines that make the disposable plastic spoons. We genetically engineer papayas to make them more virus…
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Kitchen Sink

The following entry contains no artificial sweeteners

I began to conceive this entry while sitting in an awkward position. You see, I’m not really good at being the center of attention – and I found myself the guest of honor of a most unlikely celebration for the male of the species: a baby shower. It had been a surreal day to begin with. I was suffering from sleep deprivation due to a late night, acute release of emotion. Yes, I’m…
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Kitchen Sink

Telling signs

An excellent indicator that Boston is in the World Series is my inability to adjust the time on my Seiko. Due to a nervous, disturbingly cannibalistic habit, I have an insufficient collection of rigid tissue at the end of my fingers to pry out that wicked small knob on the side of my watch. Not having “mother nature’s screwdriver” handy at a moment’s notice is terribly…
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Kitchen Sink

Choice

At nearly every turn, someone is giving you a choice. Every time someone gives you a choice, it’s like they’re doing you some great service. Politicians have made a political living campaigning on “choice.” I’m here to tell you that choice is not all it’s cracked up to be. That’s why, in this time of 3 a.m. feedings, I’ve engaged in a wardrobe…
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Kitchen Sink

To wash or not to wash

Just what I need to admit, Cheryl will be so proud, every man, woman and child will be impressed, I didn’t take a shower today. No, I’m not playing semantics. I didn’t take a bath either. I didn’t swab down with wet wipes. I didn’t take a sponge bath. I didn’t take a spit bath, a la the common house cat. I did nothing whatsoever to improve my outward cleanliness…
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Kitchen Sink

Advanced driving techniques

Good afternoon boys and girls, my name is Mr. Kauffman and I’ll be your instructor in Advanced Driving Techniques. We’re going to jump right in this afternoon, but first I wanted to start you off with a little primer. The most important, least understood, and most rewarding concept in advanced driving techniques is watching where you are going. That’s right – I’m…
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