Kitchen Sink

A legend in his own seat

Who among us hasn’t dreamed that they would publish a personal web site and attract dozens of visitors from all over the county? Yes, it’s a dream come true. Why just the other day I checked my server log and found that an unprecedented sixty (60) requests had been processed by my server for my little guideline spreadsheet. If each one of those requests represents an individual, then…
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Kitchen Sink

Flying without a spell checker

By the time I post this entry, it will be Saturday. Why? Because it’s about four ’til midnight right now. What is the significance of all this? Nothing really. Just thought I would get in a few more minutes of self amusement before the day ended. Two minutes to go. Boy am I a slow typist. “So, how many words per minute do you type?” Good thing that doesn’t come up in…
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Kitchen Sink

Mystery spit

Have you ever opened your mouth, only to be surprised by the amount of fluid your mouth is expelling? The circumstances don’t seem to matter, you can be opening your mouth to eat or speak, and suddenly (and without voluntary control), you’re spitting a narrow stream of saliva across the room like one of those shower heads they install in low rent apartments to conserve water. I…
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Kitchen Sink

And then there were two

I felt like a parent dropping their child off for the summer at camp. I decided that my iBook deserved a chance at a healthy life, so I dropped it off at my local repair shop for the old ‘once over.’ They said it could be a while before they could get to it, due to a bit of a back log. I could almost see the look of betrayal on its cover as I left it there on the counter, at the mercy…
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Kitchen Sink

My life in meetings

Once upon a time, there was a meeting in Clearwater. It was to be a glorious meeting between three government agencies, and the people who represent them. Anticipation ran rampant as more people filed into the room. Each side of the table came armed with enough ‘gotchas’ to destroy all of the egos in the room, five times over. One pregnant question hung in the room as the agreed upon…
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Kitchen Sink

I’m Batman

My house is on a bit of a hill. The front door is approximately four to six feet above street level. As a result, I rarely need reverse to pull out of my driveway. Even better, when my car is backed into the driveway, the driveway serves as a kind of launch pad. My car is a wee bit smaller than my wife’s car. I drive a two door Civic Coupe. Cheryl drives an SUV. So on one side of my car…
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Kitchen Sink

How’s your brogue?

I believe it was the great Deforest Kelly who once said, “we mock that which we don’t understand.” In the years since I first heard this quote I’ve added my own corollary, “we mock those whom we don’t know very well; or those whom we know really well and can take a joke.” Well, I was at an off-site meeting the other day. Since I didn’t know the…
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Kitchen Sink

Panic in the break room

John Kauffman, defender of virtue, mentor to the inexperienced, and wellspring of knowledge, was having a bad day. Witness his innocent looking trip to the break room. Suffering from a shortage of “get up and go”, our hero went foraging for coins to appease the vending machine gods. After a fruitless search, our hero discovered a dollar bill in the most unlikely of places, his wallet.
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Kitchen Sink

The smell of vanity

Light travels faster than smell. Exhibit 1: a man on a bicycle spots a policeman getting into his vehicle, three blocks up the road. After the policeman enters his vehicle, and the man on the bicycle gets within two blocks, the smell of cologne hits the man on the bicycle. If you are like the man on the bicycle, you are surprised to learn that men’s cologne could have a blast radius of two…
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Kitchen Sink

Near and dear

They say it is easiest to write about the things which are closest to your heart. So I ask myself, “What is close to your heart this morning?” Like just about every other morning, I think the answer would have to be my left lung. The author does not wish to hear from any smart-ass M.D.s talking pericardium smack. I can’t really think of much to say about my left lung. As far as I…
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