Category: Apple

To buy, or NOT to buy, THAT is the question

Flush with accomplishment from recently achieving her savings goal of $187, plus tax, Beth is contemplating higher plateaus. Suddenly, the kiddy slide isn’t high enough any more. Now, she wants to play with the big boys. That’s right, she wants the 20GB iPod now.

“But Beth, you don’t have enough music for the 20GB iPod.”

“So. Someday I might. See right there (pointing to the Apple web site) The iPod mini can only hold 1000 songs. The 20GB iPod can hold 5000 songs. That’s a lot more.”

“Yeah, but the 20GB iPod only comes in white, you can’t get it in pink.”

“Oh, well, let me think about it.”

Another PC project

Not that I need any external pressure to fool around with my PowerBook, but I was feeling it from two different directions this weekend. First there was the peer pressure. That’s right friends; peer pressure isn’t just for adolescence anymore. It’s just as relevant to a 34 year old computer nerd as it is for a 16 year old dermatologist’s patient. It seems that a friend of ours aspired to digitizing his entire music collection. Yes, many moons ago I too aspired to digitizing my music, but only a selection of my music – that portion that I actually listened to on a semi-regular basis.

I know, it seems so naive now, but you know what they say about hindsight.

The second, but considerably less important pressure came from our families’ general lack of space. A large CD collection takes up a lot of it, a digitized collection, not so much. Twenty hours of my live later (but who’s counting), I’m sitting in my office listening to music I haven’t bothered with in ten years. Yes, iPod. Don’t you? If you don’t you really should.

Suffering

It is evening, two hours before your normal bedtime. What do you suppose is the worst thing you could do? How about a little nap?

You go to bed at a reasonable hour, after your unplanned hour-long nap. You lie down to bed with what you believe to be a great recipe for sleep, a book you’ve already read once and a drowsy head start. Only, it isn’t such a tasty recipe after all. Now it’s almost two hours after your bedtime and you’re still wide awake. You’ve decided to get up and fill that pit that diet has dug in your stomach with some delicious looking frosted animal cookies. It’s only after you’ve eaten the last one that you wonder if a healthy dose of sugar mixes well with insomnia.

So be it.

Your next stop is your trusty computer. You decide to show your desktop Mac some love with a little long overdue attention. Having been in bed so long, and the night being so well advanced, the click of the keyboard is deafening. This is when you realize why you so often prefer your PowerBook, the elegant feel of the keys under your swift touch. You wonder if it’s like a musician trying to play a high school band instrument after playing for years on a Stradivarius. There is simply no comparison. You wonder if it would be worth the investment to upgrade the keyboards around the house.

The eMac that you woke from sleep, and then eschewed for your trusty PowerBook, has returned to sleep. The fan cooling its innards has turned off, returning the room to near silence. Your only companion is your insomnia and the strangely addictive chatter of your keyboard. It almost becomes a kind of conversation, you interacting with the keys.

You have returned to that place where you last slept; your feet up, reclined on the living room couch with your PowerBook in your lap. You hadn’t intended to recreate the moment, but you note the occurrence when you begin to grasp that elusive sense of coming sleep.

Before returning to bed, you wonder if your attachment to a computer is a sign of a shallow nature, a nerd at heart, a discerning consumer, or all of the above.

Now for a little math. You function best with eight hours of sleep. Seven is almost as good, but the seams begin to fray. Getting six is a precursor caffeine abuse. It is pushing midnight and I’m getting up at 5:30. Say, how long has it been since I’ve called in sick?

It had to be me

It’s happened to you before. You get your hopes up and they are unceremoniously dumped in the crapper. The pisser about this evening is that my hopes were so fresh. I hardly got to know them before they were gone. Hope can be fleeting, but to come and go in less than five minutes? This keeps up and I’m going to need a better prescription drug benefit with my health insurance.

The evening started with such promise. What could be more exciting than a trip to the Apple store? All right, I’m not that pathetic. There are at least two things better than a trip to the Apple Store, but whose counting? I got to the store and someone said the four words that would change the emotional tone of the evening, “That’s the garage sale.”

In Apple Store terms, “the garage sale,” is the disorganized heap ‘o products they’d like to get rid of on the quick. Well what did I see on top of the heap? Signaling me through the fog of my caffeine addicted mind was a shiny pair of Apple Desktop speakers, marked down to $20. These are the same speakers that my father has plugged into his iMac. These are the same speakers that I’ve been jealous of since my father purchased his iMac. These are the speakers that I was more than ready to part with $20 for the privilege of owning. Yes, I said “privilege,” they are that cool looking. Momentarily suspecting a “too good to be true” moment sneaking up and biting me in the keester, I sought out the closest Apple Staffer. “Yes,” he replied, “those should work Jim Dandy with your iBook.”

I was a middle-aged geek in an Apple Store. I quite literally skipped towards the register, stopping briefly at my friend admiring the PowerBook display to gloat over my discovery. Here’s where the skies opened and the parade went home. “John, I don’t think those things are going to work.” SAY IT AINT SO! I wanted to believe. I wanted to trust the first opinion, but doubt lingered. That was when I opened the box and saw the plug. It was immediately clear it would not fit my poor iBook.

Next time you see Jim Dandy, tell him I’m looking for him.

I went in search of a second opinion, but my fears were not allayed.

&*%$!

For about five minutes I lived in a world where I had a cool set of speakers. Some dreams die hard. Some dreams die slow. Others check out before they even really get started.

Anyone know a really good therapist?

Listen carefully, my friend

The other day one of my coworkers approached me with welcome praise. He told me that he appreciated all of the helpful computer advice I had given him over the course of our six year acquaintance. He went so far as to say that he trusted my computer advice more than anyone else.

Who doesn’t like to be appreciated, as if he were the best thing to come along since Barry first crooned “,Copa Cabana,?” I was sitting there with my Big Gulp serving of caffeine, having a grand ‘ole time, when the moment was spoiled by inspiration.

Seeing a barn sized opening for the taking, I could not resist temptation.

“Then why haven’t you taken my MOST IMPORTANT piece of computer advice to date?” I asked.

“What would that be?” He replied.

“Get a Mac.”

The loud groan of skepticism momentarily ruined a perfectly good moment of self-righteousness.

Cross platform incompatibility strikes a blow for the evil empire

There was really only one reason why I bought an iPod, to listen to music. That’s what I keep telling myself now; but there was a time when I had bigger plans. Rationalization is an extremely important part of my life. Being every bit the lowly hourly wage earner, I needed every reason I could conjure for dropping three big ones on a souped up Walkman. I thought I had a doozie in portable mass storage; or more importantly: cross platform, plug ‘n play, re-writable, portable mass storage.

On the eve of my monumental purchase I pleaded with my cost conscious bride. “But I can use it every day to bring my files back and forth to work. It will be so cool.”

Post purchase, I can say iPodding is indeed cool (like you needed me to tell you that). My Mac flavored iPod can do many things, as advertised. But alas, my Mac flavored iPod apparently does not do Windows. You can format the iPod’s hard drive to be recognized by Windows or the Mac OS – but not both (at the same time). Since I work in a Windows world, and because my Vader like Dell box at work is Window’s champion in the long ago decided “platform wars,” I am one glum chum.

Where once there was something,

My mind is a blank slate. I had opened up my trusty PowerBook and launched my word processor of choice. I was just about to start typing a magnificent entry, when Software Update worked it’s weekly magic. For the 95% of the world that is not familiar with the Mac OS (we members of the Kauffman Clan hold no grudge against you – only pity), Software Update is a piece of Apple magic that you can set up to pop-up periodically to check for updates to our favorite OS.

In any case, the idea is gone. One moment I’m basking in delusions of literary genius, next I’m reading about the improvements to the Apache web server. Alas, a strong focus was never my thing.

Yes kids, my moment of divine inspiration proved to be as fleeting as the Bucs Super Bowl triumph. They’re both long gone.

Pulling a problem out of a hat

I know, you probably hear this all the time, but please bear with me in my time of need. I’ve got less than 800MBs left on the hard drive in my server. My poor revision B iMac has survived several whims to replace it with my old iBook, but it’s time may have finally come. The only thing saving it now is the knowledge that Cheryl is sure to put on a full court press for a purge if another computer goes on the inactive list. Doesn’t the little guy deserve a little more respect? Doesn’t more than six years of faithful service mean anything?

Although the prep work is going slow, the iBook server project could be online as soon as Thursday night. And here’s something that’s sure to get those parotid, sublingual, and submandibular glands pumping: I’m working on updating the blog software. (Never underestimate the power of a high school anatomy class.) Yes kids, you heard me right. I’m switching out the server AND upgrading the software all in one shot. I’ll give you a minute to go find your socks.

Did you know that it has been more than 482 days, 2 hours, and 24 minutes since I first served up this site from my home? I didn’t either.

A day of firsts

Today was the first time that I pushed Cheryl around the mall in a wheel chair. Today was the first time Beth broke the family room couch. Today was the first time that I went to the store and bought a shoot ’em up computer game.

Oh yeah, today was also the first time I posted an entry from the new computer.

Holy cow, you bought another new computer?

Yes, yes. Pilgrimages to the computer store are becoming quite frequent around these parts. There will doubtless be a day when these last few years will be looked back upon as the golden years of the Kauffman Family Household (version 2.2). As I look back upon the last few years I am filled with wonder. 2001: the year of the iBook. 2003: the year of eMac. 2004: the year of the PowerBook.

How sweet it is.

But why buy a PowerBook? There were three factors in the choice, 1) a windfall; 2) a wife that made me do it; and, 3) a little matter of spending it on your stuff before someone can think of something else to spend it on.

Take that new tube of envy, squeeze out a generous portion, and rub it all in baby!!!

iPod*, you Pod, we all should Pod

Wouldn’t the world be a happier place if everyone could listen to music, good music, where ever we went? Just think, no one would be left at the mercy of waiting room muzak again. Personally, I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about the veneer of calm that elevator muzak represents. “Why do I need to be calm? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? IS THAT THE CABLE BREAKING?!?” Stand with me and shout to the world “NOT TODAY MY FRIEND.”

Newly enshrined among the legions of cool, I go forth with my new 20 gigabyte iPod* to beat back the musical tyranny of public spaces. Never again will I be lulled into unsuspecting serenity by sweet nothings whispered in my ear, from hidden speakers in the ceilings of America. My wit will remain sharp. My attention will be keen. My heart rate will remain elevated. I will not succumb.

—

Imagine if all consumer product advertising was held to the same standards as prescription medication,

“Using iPod* may cause hearing loss, headache, Tinnitus, attention deficit, hypertension, and embarrassing displays of enthusiasm. If you are easily embarrassed, or if you work with heavy equipment in public spaces, then iPod* may not be right for you.”

—

Regular readers may be surprised by this apparent purchase. Yes, my wife finally wilted under the strain of consistently applied pressure. My advice for bending the will of your spouse reads like a first-aid handbook, apply pressure and hold. Once again, I AM THE CHAMPION! Take heart, faithful readers. Heed my example. You too can finesse the marital fiscal binds that restrict our discretionary spending. It is possible. It can be done. Cool CAN be had in a small, $300 box. (Act now, free laser engraving from the online store is only available for a limited time!).

* iPod is a registered trademark of Apple Computer, and has been used here without their permission. Questions or complaints about the use of this registered trademark should be directed to: The Committee to Re-elect Dubya, at: www.thecowboyconservative.com.