This morning I have been a husband possessed. I’ve been running around doing housework like someone with another X chromosome. (OOH is that going to fetch me a slap!) So for the first time in the brief history of the Kauffman household, version 2.2 (I don’t ever get tired of that one), I beat my bride to the drier alarm. Before Cheryl could even sigh, I was in the laundry room…
“Mommy, I want Cory to sleep over again sometime.”
“Well Beth, I’m not sure Cory likes sleeping over here.”
“Why mommy?”
“I think he may miss his mommy and daddy too much.”
“Why? When I sleep over at Memmay and Peppey’s house I don’t miss you guys.”
“John, I could use some help right now.”
“Yeah, I just…
The other night Beth was coming out of the bathroom with her towel wrapped tightly around her chest. This new found modesty was a little refreshing, so of course we had to say something about it. Beth’s reply was a little odd: “I don’t want anyone to see my nickels.”
“NICKELS? What are you doing with nickels under your towel?” I replied.
“What…
More than any other body part, my feet dictate when I am comfortable. When my feet are hot, I am hot. When they are not… you get the picture. Nothing is worse than a pair of socks with a misaligned seam. That damn thing will drive me far crazier than any idiot on the highway. A similar dynamic has ruled out a whole category of footware. When I was young I could not stand flip-flops (you may…
My wife wants me to spend New Years Day at Bush Gardens. Yes, that’s right… she wants me to spend quality time with my family while the Gators play in a bowl game… the last college football game featuring the Gators for another nine months. Apparently she’s holding me to something I said two days ago. Allegedly I told her that I didn’t mind going to Bush Gardens. But…
Today I had a great Christmas. We had a bunch of folks over to celebrate with us, and it was cool. We don’t often have a bunch of people over to the house, so today was quite the event. I was never popular in school, I was never popular at work, and I am not popular in the neighborhood; so having a bunch of people in my house gives me the opportunity to pretend that I am. It didn’t…
This is it, the grand-daddy of them all. Christmas is the one that all other holidays look up to with envy. The smell of baking bread fills the air. Wrapping paper and Christmas lights color the living room. The metalic clang of oven racks colliding and the sound of Cheryl groaning in frustration spreads good cheer to all that can hear.
These are the memories that will sustain me through the rest…