Category: Going for Broke

I am sitting in a car dealership. I am buying my fourth car. Number one: The Civic. Number two: The Lemon (you may also know it as the Saturn). Number three: The CRV. Number four: The Coupe.

There are enough false smiles and hair products to fill… well, a new car dealership. It is just another Monday afternoon in a new car showroom. Cheryl, ever the shrewd wheeler and dealer, got us a free set of floor mats. That’s right, after no negotiating whatsoever on the sticker price, we got us a free set of floor mats.

Money. The answer to people’s prayers. The root of great despair. Who, over the age of 12, hasn’t worried about money once and a while? The Kauffman household (v. 2.0) is capping an unprecedented outflow year with another major purchase. With the recent passing of The Civic, we find ourselves one car short in a two car household. Later today we will be filling that void with The Coupe. For those of you keeping score; first there was The Honda, followed by The Civic, and now The Coupe. All Hondas. All Civics. All the time! This latest addition will be Blue with a tan interior. It will be a two door vehicle stripped down to the basics. “Wait a minute. Since when did air conditioning and a CD player become basics?” Well, while I’m talking to myself I might as well answer. First of all, this is Florida. Second, what’s a measly CD player between personalities? (Talking to myself, things between friends, multiple personalities, self depreciating humor, the futility of explaining a joke…)

One thing is comforting. Almost ten years ago I bought The Civic with no money down. Today I’m buying The Coupe, with no money down, and the payments will be the same. Boy did I get a crap deal ten years ago.

Yes, I know the last sentence sounds like a question. This “question” is masquerading as a statement. Since it has a “statement” look and feel, the question mark has been omitted.

Our family has suffered another automotive casualty. This time it’s old faithful. On Friday, the check engine light came on. On Saturday, we had it checked out. Later Saturday, we found out it had a multitude of serious problems. Even later on Saturday, we decided to replace it. Even LATER on Saturday, we had a tentative deal to buy a two door Civic coupe. On Sunday, we got a call from the dealership, letting us know they found the car we wanted (a bottom of the line model in blue, with a manual transmission of course). On Monday, the car will be available for pick up. Later Monday, we will sign away some money. On Tuesday, cash will be less plentiful (depending, of course, on your perspective).

The Civic is dead. Long live the Civic.

CIVIC, Honda.
Born April 30, 1994. Died November 8/2003.
The Civic suffered from excessive oil loss, sensor failure, climate control breakdown, and brake loss. After a long struggle with warm air, the car succumbed to it’s multitude of injuries late on Saturday morning. The Civic is survived by a 2003 Honda CRV.

There is a debate raging in my own mind. I am one of the least ambitious people I know. Combine that with an expensive taste in computers and you get a train wreck of budgetary proportions. Then out of the blue comes a promotional opportunity. One of the quirks in state government is that people are not singled out for promotion based on merit. Instead, promotions are applied for like a new position. There are interviews, work samples; and applicants are judged based on the results. In short, promotions are not a given; regardless of whether they are merited. I may or may not deserve a promotion in my agency. I may or may not get it if I applied. I may or may not want the job that is available, but I’m leaning towards “not”. The extra 5% in salary that will come with the new position may or may not make a difference in our budget, but I’m leaning towards “not”. Applying for the job after I assured several people I was not interested may or may not cause problems for me (as if!). This job may or may not be an important stepping stone in my career in state government, but it won’t be the last opportunity.

What is a life long procrastinator with little ambition, and who likes his current job going to do? Are you really asking? Do you even know me?

“I was thinking that I would go ahead and spend the money for a Clearwater rec. card so Beth can continue her swim lessons.”

Sarcastically: “Will that leave enough money for a new computer?”

Seriously: “Yeah, I think so.”

Stunned: “…”

My wife and I share a bond that has never been stronger.

Did I mention that there is a new computer sitting in our living room? This has lead to more problems than I would have thought. Who among you can work knowing that a new toy is sitting at home waiting to be played with? Picture my office on Friday… I’m getting mentally prepared for a hockey game later that night; a new computer is sitting at home waiting to be configured to my exacting specifications; and it’s Friday for goodness sakes! Yes, I was in hell. I’ve had all weekend to bask in the glow of a new computer’s screen. I’m back at work, somewhat sated compared to Friday. Has it been enough to carry me over until this evening? Only time will tell. Only seven hours and ten minutes to go. Only four hundred minutes to go. Only twenty-five thousand and eight hundred agonizing clicks of the clock to go.

I don’t think I’m going to make it.

I am faced with a serious dilemma. I was given some cold, hard cash for my birthday. As dilemmas go, this one doesn’t sound too bad so far. It’s not getting money that is so bad, but deciding what to do with it. I am torn between prudent, responsible choices and … well … not so prudent or responsible choices. On the one hand we have necessary items. Clothing, debt relief, covering upcoming fixed hobby costs; these are all good, solid choices. But getting fired up about depositing a check into your loan account is about as exciting as seeing a box you are sure is a really neat toy on Christmas morning, only to find that it is a multi-pack of multi-colored Fruit of the Looms. Visions of iPods, DVD box sets and various software titles dance enticingly through my thoughts. Worries about loan balances and cash flow plague my conscience.

For now I think I’ll let the money accumulate interest.

Have you ever put off doing something for five years, then got up in the morning and decided, “I’m going to do that today.”? We were printing our tee-shirts – “I survived the dog days of summer, 1998” – when I told Cheryl that I would run some speaker wire behind the wall. (No, we weren’t really printing tee-shirts.)

Imagine a lazy summer day, five years ago… “Cheryl, I was tired so I just ran the wire from the ceiling (from the attic), but I think I can run it behind the wall. I’ll do it soon.”

If you were talking about continental drift, then five years really is soon. Somehow I don’t think Cheryl had that in mind. None the less, today was the day. I sit here, in my living room, listening to music from speakers with newly re-routed speaker wire. After leaving more body fluids that I would have liked in our attic, I would have thought it sounded better. Maybe that’s just the dehydration talking.

It’s almost a shame we did it. Five years is a household record for putting things off. It will take some time to top that one.

I can’t wait to hear from our AC guy. We’re waiting for a call back to set up an appointment for our “free” estimate. How big of them. Our air conditioner is blowing warm air. It’s 07/and we’re right smack in the middle of the northern hemisphere, so this is not a good thing. Since we would really rather it blow cold air this time of year, it’s pretty much a given that we’ll soon be seeing less of our money.

So the estimate is free? That’s not the part I’m worried about paying for.