Category: Going for Broke

Groundbreaking.

Another first is upon us! We, the members of the Florida Kauffman Family Household (version 2.2**), are intimately familiar with the warm air blowing in the summer phenomenon. Having air conditioning in Florida is like having a public defender when you are falsely accused of a crime and you’re dead broke; you know you need it but you wouldn’t trust it any further than you could carry it. We have just such a relationship with our air conditioner. Rarely has our distrust risen to such heights! On a chilly afternoon, we came home and opened the door. As is the custom, we opened the door and we were greeted with a blast of cold air. But wait, didn’t I say it was a chilly afternoon? Holy wind chill factor Batman, it’s colder inside! How can this be? Elementary, my dear reader; you simply pay someone good money to wire a thermostat incorrectly. You turn on the heat in the morning when you wake up, thinking it is a little chilly. Sure, it’s cold when you wake up, but then you get up and start moving around. You warm yourself up and you don’t even notice that it’s a little cooler inside when you leave. By the time you get home the house is a good ten degrees cooler than it is outside, a crisp 62 degrees (yes, 72 qualifies as chilly in Florida, give it a rest). That’s brisk baby! Our air system was in a feedback loop from hell. The thermostat drops below a temperature, prompting it to turn on the heat. Instead, the cool air comes on, dropping the temperature, ensuring that the “heat” would stay on – FOR ALL ETERNITY (or until we got home).

Who would have guessed that our air conditioning bill would go through the roof in November? In Florida?***

** Note to readers everywhere: due to budget cuts, the fact checker had to be laid off some time ago. Consequently, the author’s current family domicile has been mistakenly referred to as version 2.0, when it is, in fact, version 2.2. The author offers his sincerest apologies.

*** The author is well aware of the fact that it is more costly, minute to minute, to run the heater than the air conditioner. The key is that this is November and this is Florida. If we run the heat twice in November, it qualifies as a November cold spell of historic proportions.

Another web site first.

I am sitting in a car dealership. I am buying my fourth car. Number one: The Civic. Number two: The Lemon (you may also know it as the Saturn). Number three: The CRV. Number four: The Coupe.

There are enough false smiles and hair products to fill… well, a new car dealership. It is just another Monday afternoon in a new car showroom. Cheryl, ever the shrewd wheeler and dealer, got us a free set of floor mats. That’s right, after no negotiating whatsoever on the sticker price, we got us a free set of floor mats.

Separation anxiety.

Money. The answer to people’s prayers. The root of great despair. Who, over the age of 12, hasn’t worried about money once and a while? The Kauffman household (v. 2.0) is capping an unprecedented outflow year with another major purchase. With the recent passing of The Civic, we find ourselves one car short in a two car household. Later today we will be filling that void with The Coupe. For those of you keeping score; first there was The Honda, followed by The Civic, and now The Coupe. All Hondas. All Civics. All the time! This latest addition will be Blue with a tan interior. It will be a two door vehicle stripped down to the basics. “Wait a minute. Since when did air conditioning and a CD player become basics?” Well, while I’m talking to myself I might as well answer. First of all, this is Florida. Second, what’s a measly CD player between personalities? (Talking to myself, things between friends, multiple personalities, self depreciating humor, the futility of explaining a joke…)

One thing is comforting. Almost ten years ago I bought The Civic with no money down. Today I’m buying The Coupe, with no money down, and the payments will be the same. Boy did I get a crap deal ten years ago.

Yes, I know the last sentence sounds like a question. This “question” is masquerading as a statement. Since it has a “statement” look and feel, the question mark has been omitted.

Going for broke.

Our family has suffered another automotive casualty. This time it’s old faithful. On Friday, the check engine light came on. On Saturday, we had it checked out. Later Saturday, we found out it had a multitude of serious problems. Even later on Saturday, we decided to replace it. Even LATER on Saturday, we had a tentative deal to buy a two door Civic coupe. On Sunday, we got a call from the dealership, letting us know they found the car we wanted (a bottom of the line model in blue, with a manual transmission of course). On Monday, the car will be available for pick up. Later Monday, we will sign away some money. On Tuesday, cash will be less plentiful (depending, of course, on your perspective).

The Civic is dead. Long live the Civic.

CIVIC, Honda.
Born April 30, 1994. Died November 8/2003.
The Civic suffered from excessive oil loss, sensor failure, climate control breakdown, and brake loss. After a long struggle with warm air, the car succumbed to it’s multitude of injuries late on Saturday morning. The Civic is survived by a 2003 Honda CRV.

Can money buy happiness, or can you rent to own?

There is a debate raging in my own mind. I am one of the least ambitious people I know. Combine that with an expensive taste in computers and you get a train wreck of budgetary proportions. Then out of the blue comes a promotional opportunity. One of the quirks in state government is that people are not singled out for promotion based on merit. Instead, promotions are applied for like a new position. There are interviews, work samples; and applicants are judged based on the results. In short, promotions are not a given; regardless of whether they are merited. I may or may not deserve a promotion in my agency. I may or may not get it if I applied. I may or may not want the job that is available, but I’m leaning towards “not”. The extra 5% in salary that will come with the new position may or may not make a difference in our budget, but I’m leaning towards “not”. Applying for the job after I assured several people I was not interested may or may not cause problems for me (as if!). This job may or may not be an important stepping stone in my career in state government, but it won’t be the last opportunity.

What is a life long procrastinator with little ambition, and who likes his current job going to do? Are you really asking? Do you even know me?

Spending what you don’t have.

“I was thinking that I would go ahead and spend the money for a Clearwater rec. card so Beth can continue her swim lessons.”

Sarcastically: “Will that leave enough money for a new computer?”

Seriously: “Yeah, I think so.”

Stunned: “…”

My wife and I share a bond that has never been stronger.

Did I mention that there is a new computer sitting in our living room? This has lead to more problems than I would have thought. Who among you can work knowing that a new toy is sitting at home waiting to be played with? Picture my office on Friday… I’m getting mentally prepared for a hockey game later that night; a new computer is sitting at home waiting to be configured to my exacting specifications; and it’s Friday for goodness sakes! Yes, I was in hell. I’ve had all weekend to bask in the glow of a new computer’s screen. I’m back at work, somewhat sated compared to Friday. Has it been enough to carry me over until this evening? Only time will tell. Only seven hours and ten minutes to go. Only four hundred minutes to go. Only twenty-five thousand and eight hundred agonizing clicks of the clock to go.

I don’t think I’m going to make it.

Back in the saddle; or, when a good computer goes bad.

We are back on the air after some technical difficulties this evening. They say that when you run your own web server, you can’t blame anyone else for your site problems. Well, one of our poor old iMacs bit the dust right in front of me this evening. It happened just as I was walking in the door, coming home from work. The monitor flashed, an electrical “hissing” noise rose from the depths of the case, and it went dead. We made every attempt known to us to revive it, but we were unsuccessful. Six hours worth of harvesting spare parts, installing software, and loading back-ups to our family room iMac brings us to the present. It’s past my bed time, and I’m sitting here typing this message. Two people will likely read this entry, and I’ve already told one of them more than they wanted to know about it. Ye Gods!

Have money, will spend.

I am faced with a serious dilemma. I was given some cold, hard cash for my birthday. As dilemmas go, this one doesn’t sound too bad so far. It’s not getting money that is so bad, but deciding what to do with it. I am torn between prudent, responsible choices and … well … not so prudent or responsible choices. On the one hand we have necessary items. Clothing, debt relief, covering upcoming fixed hobby costs; these are all good, solid choices. But getting fired up about depositing a check into your loan account is about as exciting as seeing a box you are sure is a really neat toy on Christmas morning, only to find that it is a multi-pack of multi-colored Fruit of the Looms. Visions of iPods, DVD box sets and various software titles dance enticingly through my thoughts. Worries about loan balances and cash flow plague my conscience.

For now I think I’ll let the money accumulate interest.

The art of procrastination.

Have you ever put off doing something for five years, then got up in the morning and decided, “I’m going to do that today.”? We were printing our tee-shirts – “I survived the dog days of summer, 1998” – when I told Cheryl that I would run some speaker wire behind the wall. (No, we weren’t really printing tee-shirts.)

Imagine a lazy summer day, five years ago… “Cheryl, I was tired so I just ran the wire from the ceiling (from the attic), but I think I can run it behind the wall. I’ll do it soon.”

If you were talking about continental drift, then five years really is soon. Somehow I don’t think Cheryl had that in mind. None the less, today was the day. I sit here, in my living room, listening to music from speakers with newly re-routed speaker wire. After leaving more body fluids that I would have liked in our attic, I would have thought it sounded better. Maybe that’s just the dehydration talking.

It’s almost a shame we did it. Five years is a household record for putting things off. It will take some time to top that one.

Holding my breath.

I can’t wait to hear from our AC guy. We’re waiting for a call back to set up an appointment for our “free” estimate. How big of them. Our air conditioner is blowing warm air. It’s 07/and we’re right smack in the middle of the northern hemisphere, so this is not a good thing. Since we would really rather it blow cold air this time of year, it’s pretty much a given that we’ll soon be seeing less of our money.

So the estimate is free? That’s not the part I’m worried about paying for.